So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
