i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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