It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize