So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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