Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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