How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
