Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
