you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
