whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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