i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
