The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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