guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
