so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
