I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
