If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
