there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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