he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
