May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Is it because I queefed?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
