apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
