I wish I could teleport
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
