I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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