sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
