Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
