I hope mine doesn't look like that
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize