I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
