Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I look excited, but its just a facade.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
