I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
