Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
