I seem to have left my pride at pride
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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