sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
