i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
