In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
