Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
