I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
