I'll bet she douches with gravy.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
