You can't motorboat a personality
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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