i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It's blow job season.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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