Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
