Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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