Duck Duck Cougar?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
MIDGETS
????
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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