I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
