Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
