she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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