i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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