I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
