happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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