I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
