Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
