I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
