I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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