Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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