I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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