let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
