my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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