walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
