dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
