not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
