Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
