so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
